Breaking Free from the Approval Trap: How Experienced Professionals Can Lead Authentically During Career Transitions
By Sharon Zeren, Certified Professional Coach | Hourglass Coaching Baltimore
A client had 12 years of solid experience in project management when she started feeling invisible at work. Despite consistently delivering results, she watched newer hires get promoted while she remained stuck. When a reorganization threatened her position, she realized something had to change. "I've spent so much energy trying to be what everyone else wanted," she told me during our first coaching session, "that I forgot who I actually am as a leader."
This story isn't unique. For experienced professionals navigating career transitions, especially minority professionals in their 30s to 50s, the pressure to conform and seek approval can become a career-limiting trap. Career transition coaching reveals a painful truth: the very behaviors that helped us survive early in our careers often become the barriers preventing us from thriving.
The Approval Trap: Why Good People Stay Stuck
Research shows that professionals who consistently seek external validation are 40% less likely to advance to senior leadership roles. As Brené Brown powerfully states, "Winning someone over is always a mistake because it means trading in your authenticity for approval." This trade-off becomes especially costly during career transitions when authenticity becomes your competitive advantage.
The approval trap manifests in several ways:
Over-adapting to workplace culture: You've become so skilled at reading the room and adjusting your communication style that you've lost touch with your natural leadership voice.
Avoiding necessary conflicts: Rather than addressing issues directly, you've developed elaborate workarounds that drain your energy and limit your impact.
Minimizing your expertise: You downplay your experience or defer to others, even when you have the most relevant knowledge in the room.
Saying yes when you mean no: Your reputation as someone who "gets things done" has become a burden that prevents you from focusing on high-impact work.
The Hidden Cost of Workplace Conflict Avoidance
Many experienced professionals believe that avoiding workplace conflict resolution situations makes them easier to work with. The reality is more complex. When you consistently avoid addressing tensions, miscommunications, and competing priorities, you inadvertently signal that your time and expertise are less valuable than maintaining surface-level harmony.
This pattern becomes particularly problematic during career transitions. Employers and recruiters aren't looking for people who avoid difficult conversations—they're seeking leaders who can navigate complexity with integrity and skill.
Four Strategies for Authentic Leadership During Career Transitions
1. Conduct a Values-Based Career Audit
Before making any external moves, spend time identifying your core values and assessing how well your current role aligns with them. This isn't about finding the "perfect" job, but about understanding what drives your best work.
Action Step: List your top five professional values (autonomy, collaboration, innovation, service, etc.). Rate your current role's alignment with each value on a scale of 1-10. Any value scoring below 6 deserves serious attention in your transition planning.
2. Develop Your Conflict Resolution Toolkit
Strong leaders don't avoid difficult conversations—they approach them strategically. Building these skills enhances your value during transitions and prevents small issues from becoming career-derailing problems.
Action Step: Practice the "SBI" framework (Situation, Behavior, Impact) for addressing workplace tensions. Before your next challenging conversation, write out each component. This preparation builds confidence and ensures you address issues constructively rather than emotionally.
3. Create Your Professional Narrative
Your career story should highlight how your experience adds unique value, not apologize for the path you've taken. Many professionals underestimate how their diverse experiences create innovative problem-solving approaches.
Action Step: Write a two-minute version of your professional story that connects your past experiences to future goals. Practice delivering it until it feels natural, not rehearsed.
4. Establish Strategic Boundaries
Authentic leadership requires saying no to requests that don't align with your goals or values. This doesn't mean becoming inflexible, but rather being intentional about how you invest your time and energy.
Action Step: Identify three activities or requests you currently handle that could be delegated, eliminated, or handled by someone else. Create a plan for gradually transitioning these responsibilities.
The Mediation Advantage: Skills That Transfer
One unexpected benefit of developing workplace conflict resolution skills is how transferable they become. Professionals who can facilitate difficult conversations, build consensus, and navigate competing interests are in high demand across industries and roles.
These skills become particularly valuable during career transitions because they demonstrate emotional intelligence, strategic thinking, and the ability to handle pressure—exactly what employers seek in senior roles.
When Professional Support Makes the Difference
Career transitions can feel overwhelming, especially when you're breaking patterns that have defined your professional identity for years. Working with a career transition coach provides accountability, objective perspective, and strategies tailored to your specific situation.
The coaching process helps you distinguish between legitimate workplace challenges that require your attention and perfectionist tendencies that keep you stuck. You'll develop practical tools for navigating difficult relationships, advocating for yourself effectively, and building the confidence to pursue opportunities aligned with your values.
Your Next Steps
Authentic leadership during career transitions isn't about dramatic personality changes—it's about aligning your external actions with your internal values and expertise. This alignment creates the foundation for sustainable career growth and professional satisfaction.
Start with small experiments. Choose one low-stakes situation this week to practice more authentic communication. Notice what happens when you speak from your expertise rather than seeking approval. Pay attention to how others respond when you're genuinely yourself rather than performing a role.
Remember, your experience is an asset, not something to overcome. The goal isn't to become someone different, but to become more skillfully yourself.
About Sharon Zeren and Hourglass Coaching Baltimore
Sharon Zeren founded Hourglass Coaching Baltimore in 2024, bringing over 15 years of federal leadership experience in professional development, organizational transformation, and high-stakes problem-solving. As a Certified Professional Coach through the International Coaching Federation and trained in workplace mediation through Baltimore Mediation, Sharon specializes in helping experienced professionals navigate career transitions with authenticity and strategic insight.
Hourglass Coaching Baltimore offers career transition coaching, workplace conflict resolution, and organizational development services to professionals and organizations nationwide. Our approach combines evidence-based methodologies with practical, results-oriented solutions tailored to your specific needs and timeline.
Ready to explore your career transition with clarity and confidence?
Sharon offers a complimentary 30-minute coaching session to help you identify your next steps and explore how professional coaching can support your goals. Whether you're feeling stuck in your current role, preparing for a major career change, or seeking to enhance your leadership effectiveness, this conversation will provide valuable insights and practical strategies.
Schedule your free 30-minute coaching session today and discover how authentic leadership can transform your career trajectory.
